Is your pitcher empty? If so, you need to refill it. You do this by becoming self-caring and your own best advocate.
Are your past beliefs and behaviors getting in your way?
Because experiences, whether negative or positive, affect the way we see ourselves and determine how we handle various issues and situations in our life, we must understand that our perceptions change how we look at ourselves and view ourselves. We must realize that personal beliefs and learned behavior often get in the way of current and future successes.
An example: “I failed at this already. I’m sure to fail again.” To believe just because you failed the first time you are doomed to fail the second is self-defeating. In my opinion, failure is often the best thing that can happen to us. It is how we perceive failure that determines whether we are failures.
Many people refuse to compete because they are afraid of losing. You can’t lose if you don’t compete! Only by being involved can you learn so much in so little time. This can be applied to every aspect of your life. For many women and girls, getting through the day is winning.
In reality, circumstances often preclude us from succeeding the first time, the second, or the third. Many women and girls subjected to abuse, abandonment, or addiction have been coerced into silence. Many have been brainwashed into self-abuse, and trapped in an environment that keeps them chained to the beliefs that they are stupid, a loser, a fool, ugly, fat, a tramp, or worthless, which prevents them from getting back up and standing on their own two feet. Negative emotions take control; fear weakens strengths that are deep inside, causing paralysis that prevents many women and girls from achieving their goals and purposes. Negative feedback fogs the lens and shatters the spirit. Is negative feedback fogging your lens or breaking your spirit?
Exercise: Four Action Steps
Circle one step from each section.
- Get moving.
- Walk, dance, swim, etc
- Practice breath walking (www.breathwalk.com)
- Commit out loud.
- Charge up your brain.
- Listen to a webinar
- Choose a positive emotion.
- Banish negative words.
What four things in each category did you commit to and what actions did you take? Use one or two feeling words to describe how that action made you feel. Be specific.
Example: Walking for a ½ hour made me feel invigorating.
Exercise: Dumping Negative Stressors
Write down four unimportant stressors and express how that stressor makes you feel. Then write a solution.
Example: I don’t like being late for work because it makes feel irresponsible.
Stressor: late for work
Solution: I can solve this problem by going to bed earlier and getting up in the morning earlier.
Exercise: Vocabulary Review: Fill in the black.
(self-care, self-advocate, self-esteem, advocate, self-image)
- To __________for someone is to act on someone’s
- To be a ________ is to act on your own behalf.
- To think well of one’s self and to give oneself
respect is ________.
- To have a conception of one’s self, abilities,
ambitions, and an idea of real or authentic self.
To care for yourself is ________.
Check your answers:
- Self- image
Answer These Questions:
Do you like yourself? Yes or No
Do you think you are a good human being? Yes or No
Do you believe you deserve to love? Yes or No
Do you believe you deserve happiness? Yes or No
Do you feel you are a good person? Yes or No
Are your unspoken thoughts and feelings affecting you negatively or positively? Explain
What one thing can you change today?
People with fogged lenses and shattered spirits find it difficult to answer yes to these questions. Did you find it difficult to answer yes? Don’t despair; there is hope. That’s why I am writing this book. That’s why you are reading this book. Developing healthy self-esteem allows you to create the life you desire, cope with life’s challenges, and help you to understand that you have the right to be successful and happy.
Simply put, low self-esteem creates problems. It can make you feel anxious, stressed, lonely, and depressed. It also can create problems with your relationships (family, friends, and intimate partners). It can create academic, career and job-related issues. It can lead to alcohol, drug, and eating problems. Low self-esteem creates unhappy and nonproductive people. If you are living this kind of life, then it is time for a change. When you look in the emotional mirror, what are the traits you see?
Put a check mark beside each trait that fits you.
___I consider myself unworthy of love and affection.
___I fear rejection.
___I feel like an outcast in my community (family, church, profession).
___I feel like a failure.
___I feel isolated from the outside world.
___I feel abused when faced with constructive criticism.
___I am in constant pain and vulnerable to emotional attacks.
If you checked more than three, we have work to do. It won’t be easy. But if you are honest with every exercise, we will make progress. Here are a few suggestions to get on a positive track.